


OT3 HELL: the case of the diet soda

by Anonymous



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: DIET SODA ;-;, Diet soda, Fingering, Kissing, Praise, Science Crimes, Slight body worship?, a shitpost as always <3, bubby is a brat, darnold is trans, headpats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27338701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Darnold has to find out who changed his soda to diet soda...
Relationships: darnold/bubby/benrey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	OT3 HELL: the case of the diet soda

**Author's Note:**

> @ vc: thanks for giving me literally the worst ship y'all could think of

The building of Black Mesa was bright, but within it, there was a dark secret. 

“NOOOOOOOOO.” A voice yelled out from the depths of the facility. Gordon perked up and ran to the scene. Usually, the yells of “no” meant there was a scientist on the verge of discovery until something important variable got messed up. Gordon liked to laugh at these people because he was a theoretical physicist. 

Gordon traced down the sound and entered the mixology lab to see Darnold slumped over a table saying “loud sobbing”. 

“Hey, uh, Darnold, what’s up dude?” Gordon said, walking cautiously towards Darnold.

“Oh, Gordon! The worst possible thing happened!” Darnold said, picking up an Erlenmeyer flask. “Look at it!!” 

Gordon blinked in confusion.

“It looks- looks like Pepsi, dude,” Gordon said, tapping the glass. Darnold gasped. 

“Pepsi?? Dr. Freeman, this is Dr. Pepper!” Darnold said, swirling the glass to emphasize his point. 

“That’s your cum?!” Gordon asked. Darnold’s last name was Dr. Pepper so it was entirely plausible to reason that. No wonder the poor guy was so upset. He probably made a potion that turned his cum to soda. Gordon winced at the potential burn. 

“My cum? Dr. Freeman, what kinda scientist do you think I am?” Darnold asked, face flushing as he pulled the vial of liquid towards his chest, hiding it from Gordon’s view. “It’s- it’s the soda. Just taste it!” 

Gordon took the soda and sipped from it, smacking his lips a bit. 

“Uh, why’s it taste so bad?”

“‘Cause it’s DIE-t soda!” Darnold said, barely holding back sobs. “Someone MURDERED my experiment!” 

“Uh, that sucks, dude,” Gordon said, nodding. He didn’t know what to do and it seemed like Darnold was just overreacting. 

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Darnold said, regaining his composure. “Well, I’ll riddle you this, Dr. Freeman. How is it possible that someone extracts all the sugar from Dr. Pepper within 30 minutes?”

Gordon pondered for a few seconds before realizing what Darnold was getting at.

“We gotta catch the people who’ve committed this horrendous act of science!” Gordon yelled. 

\---------

“So, you all may wonder why you are here,” Gordon started, standing in front of a couple of uninterested scientists and nervous interns. “Well, it’s because someone has committed a horrendous crime. Against science! The victim, Dr. Darnold, had his Dr. Pepper soda turned to diet Dr. Pepper!” 

“Why am I here?” a monotone voice spoke up. 

“Because you cause problems, Benrey. Next question.” 

“Why am *I* here?” a slightly more offended voice asked. 

“Because you never fill out the lab sheets,” Gordon said. Bubby grumbled under his breath. 

“I don’t need to! I fucking live here!” Bubby said. Gordon laughed at his display of surprise.

“You also work here so you gotta,” Gordon said, rolling his eyes. Bubby grumbled something to Benrey and Benrey let out a stupid laugh. Gordon frowned.

“Okay, everyone’s free to go except Benrey and Bubby,” Gordon said, crossing his arms. The other scientists shuffled out until only Bubby and Benrey remained. 

“Aw- why us?” Bubby grumbled. 

“Because you two are always gossiping about this shit! You’re bound to know something. You even knew about that thing about Dr. Coomer!” 

“I thought it was pretty obvious, Gordon.”

“Yeah, are a little stupid baby man, Gordon no-man, know-no-man.” Benrey said. Gordon wheezed.

“‘No-no-man’?”

“No, it’s no-*know* man,” Bubby said, rolling his eyes. 

“You all are missing the point!” Darnold cried, dramatically thrusting the potion upwards into the air like Link from Legend of Zelda. “I need to know who die-ted my potion!” 

“I don’t know, go check for people with Splendia in their desks. Don’t ask me!” Bubby said. 

“I would but- wait….” Darnold paused. “How did you know it was Splendia that was substituted?”

“Oh shit,” Bubby said. “Well, time to run!” 

“The audacity of that bitch!” Darnold said. Gordon sprinted after Bubby and caught him, bringing him back to Darnold. 

“Why did you do it?” Darnold asked, flabbergasted. 

“Why do you think I did it? I have an alibi! I was testing in the- the testing room. Go ask Benrey!” 

“Well?”

“He was testing in the testing room, bro.”

“I don’t have the heart to believe you. How do you know this?”

“Uhhh, ‘cause I was in the this room and- and didn’t see Bubby.”

“You- you were in this room during the crime? The crime scene room??” Darnold asked, incredulously. Bubby face-palmed and Benrey nodded. 

“Well, I think the mystery is solved,” Gordon said, sighing. He moved to get up. “It’s up to you to decide what you want to do Darnold, see ya!”

The culprits watched Gordon leave the room and then turned back to an aggravated Darnold. 

“Okay, uh, which one of you did it?” Darnold asked. Bubby and Benrey both pointed at each other. “Come on, it has to be one of you.” 

“Uhh, why can it be both?” Benrey spoke up. Bubby punched Benrey’s arm to get him to shut up. Darnold took a deep breath. 

“So, uh, Bubby thought up the plan? And Benrey you did it? If I’m understanding correctly.” Darnold asked in astonishment. They nodded hesitantly. “Why- why did you do it? What would you benefit from by, by making it DIE-t soda by taking out the sugar?” 

Benrey looked down bashfully as Bubby whispered something to him. 

“Huh? Uh, oh. We- we only took the sugar because....” Benrey paused, looking to find the words. “...Because you’re too sweet.”

“What?”

“Huh? Uh, that’s what Bubby said.” Benrey said. Bubby began to protest, his face flushing. Darnold was slightly flustered too, not used to receiving compliments. Darnold tugged at his collar, shifting slightly. 

“Bubby, I- I don’t think I’m catching what you’re saying,” Darnold said, fumbling slightly. Was this a confession? He wasn’t sure. 

“Good,” Bubby scoffed, crossing his legs. “Can I go now?” 

“No, uh, not unless you tell me what you mean. I’m really confused,” Darnold said, a slight hint of curiosity and realization. 

“I’m not going to say anything,” Bubby said, stammering slightly as his face flushed further. “F-fuck off.”

Darnold frowned a bit and turned his attention to Benrey.

“Benrey?” Darnold called causing Benrey to sit up straight in attention. 

“Huh?”

“Why did you commit a horrendous scientific act by stealing the sugar from my Dr. Pepper to make it Diet. Dr. Pepper?” 

“Uh, because I think you’re funny and too sweet,” Benrey said. Darnold nodded, encouraging Benrey. “And- and I don’t like how you make me feel like Sugar Rush Speedway or uh Candy Crush, bro. Those- those games are lame and on mobile.”

“That’s very nice of you to say, Benrey,” Darnold said, patting Benrey’s head affectionately. Darnold heard Bubby mumble in the background but he refused to acknowledge it, instead focusing on Benrey. Benrey was leaning into Darnold’s touch, his eyes squeezed shut as he let out a whimper. Darnold spoke up again, his voice had a hint of smugness. “You’re being a very good boy, Benrey, answering all of my questions. Very attentive! You’re doing so much better than...your friend.” 

Darnold stifled a smirk as he heard Bubby let out a low growl. Darnold refusing to pay attention to him and *purposely* avoiding his name did something to Bubby. Bubby was getting jealous. What kinda sick powerplay was this? Why was Darnold paying attention to Benrey? Benrey was just a security guard that was probably stoned 24/7 while he was literally the most perfect person. 

Bubby grabbed Darnold’s arm, yanking it away from Benrey. Benrey let out a small “huh?” and suddenly all eyes were on Bubby. This was what he wanted, right? 

“Pay attention to me!” Bubby said, the whiny tone in his voice surprising even him. Darnold’s surprised expression dropped to a smug one. 

“I thought you told me, as you put so *politely*, to “fuck off”,” Darnold said. Bubby’s looked at him with a shocked expression, his face completely red. “Did you want something else?”

Bubby nodded, letting go of Darnold’s arm and folding his hands over his lap to hide his boner. There was a pause of silence before Darnold let out a breathy sigh and leaned close to Bubby. 

“Say it, then, Dr. Bubby.”

Oh fuck. The way Darnold whispered it, so sweetly, so encouraging into his ear made Bubby regret his science crimes. He felt bad for causing the scientist so much grief for making his soda into diet soda. Bubby wanted nothing more than to act this punishment and do anything to make Darnold happy. But, Bubby had an ego. And he wasn’t about to submit to some imperfect human who made him go crazy.

“FUCK ME,” Bubby whined, the word trailing off into a low grumble. Darnold sat back, an astonished look on his face. Bubby paled when he realized what he said. “Fuck- I mean, you. Fuck you!” 

“So, so that’s why you turned my soda into diet soda…You just wanted my attention,” Darnold said. He looked at Bubby with a pitying look. Bubby felt his insecurities grow under his stare but he was lavishing in it. Darnold spoke carefully and softly. “Well, Dr. Bubby, you have it all now.”

Bubby felt himself melt when Darnold said his name. 

“But, you’ll have to share it with Benrey who has been so, so good,” Darnold said, patting Benrey’s head again. Bubby whined and he watched Benrey purr as Darnold pet him. Bubby would do anything for that touch. He wanted nothing more than to say that he’d do anything for Darnold, even share him. 

“...Fine,” Bubby said, crossing his arms and looking away. Darnold pulled Benrey close and started kissing him, Benrey moaning compliments to Darnold and his hands wandered down his body. Bubby whined, staring at the two as he palmed the tent that formed in his pants. 

Benrey kissed down Darnold’s neck, pulling off his tie as he unbuttoned Darnold’s shirt. Darnold was pressed against the back of 

“Uh-” Darnold started, gently pushing Benrey back with one hand and holding his shirt closed with his other hand. “I, uh-”

“Huh, bro?”

“I’m nervous, I’ve never really- what if you don’t like what you see?”

“Come on bro, I love your hot bod and your rocking gamer cock.” 

“Really? Uh, in that case, go right ahead,” Darnold said, pulling Benrey back. He looked at Benrey affectionately as Benrey kissed down his chest and his scars. Darnold leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the feeling of pleasure overtake him. He let out a small moan to which he covered his mouth to stifle. 

Bubby let out an exasperated sigh, reached over Benrey, and pinned Darnold’s arms to the table. 

“Make some noise you idiot!” Bubby said, blushing.

“That’s not really nice, *buddy*,” Darnold said, slightly panting. He shook off Bubby’s hands and instead wrapped his hands around Bubby’s neck. “But, I'm glad you enjoy it so much.” 

“Why the fuck do you think *I* took interest in you?” Bubby said, scoffing. Darnold gave him a disapproving look and Bubby started stuttering again. 

“Why did you take interest in me?” Darnold challenged with a smug yet sweet look on his face. Bubby flushed again, letting out a low growl. 

“Uh-”

“Speak up.”

“I, fuck, you’re- you’re, you actually treat me like, like I’m a human. And, I, you’re so much smart and- fuckkkk, I just wanted some more attention from you because- because you’re, you’re-” Bubby trailed off, his face flushing. He wanted to hide his face in Darnold’s chest but that would have made him even more embarrassed. Instead, he opted to bury his face in the crook of Benrey’s neck. 

“It’s okay Bubby, you did a good job,” Darnold said, cupping his face with one hand. He brought Bubby in for a kiss, pulling the two of them closer with Benrey sandwiched in between. Bubby’s kiss with Darnold started off rough and desperate but Darnold slowed down the kiss rhythm to something more passionate and slow-paced. 

Benrey slid down to his knees and started unbuttoning Darnold’s pants, prompting a sharp inhale from him. 

“You good, bro? I’m ready to suck your fat cock” Benrey asked, chuckling slightly as he looked up, mouth agape.

“Uh, can- can you just finger me right now? I would like that but- but like next time.”

“Huh? Yeah,” Benrey said, standing back up to bury his face in Darnold’s chest. He slid his hand down Darnold’s pants and felt around. Darnold let out a little moan and then pulled Bubby back into a kiss. Benrey continued touching around, getting his fingers slick before rubbing Darnold’s cock. 

Darnold pulled back from the kiss, panting, and let out another little moan of Benrey’s name. Benrey chuckled and began kissing Darnold’s neck in addition to touching him down there. Bubby then let out a surprised noise as Benrey lightly ground his ass against Bubby’s crotch.

“Fuck- uh- hold on,” Bubby said, shifting. He slapped Benrey’s thigh slightly and leaned down to whisper in his ear. “Get your fat ass over here.”

Benrey let out a smug chuckle and arched his back slightly. Bubby grabbed his hips and started grinding. The three continued in their ecstasy of pleasure which acted as a feedback loop to even more pleasure. 

The soda was still diet soda :(

**Author's Note:**

> If this fic actually got people shipping it I would know I'm too powerful to be left alive.
> 
> Send me your hate!! <3


End file.
